What if being in love didn’t mean losing a part of you, but gaining something new? Maybe this thought is somewhat romanticized, but many of us can be afraid of this word, and this deep feeling. I was definitely one of those people. I have seen the hate, destruction, and subserviently that can derive from a decaying relationship. Maybe love wasn't what I ultimately feared. Maybe it was the emotional letdowns that inevitability come with love.
Isn’t it human instinct to avoid pain? Well that’s what I had been doing for a while. Avoiding the pain that came along with love. I was cautious, realistic, and I hate to say it but even a little afraid of this four letter word.
I told myself over and over to live life not waiting or wishing for someone but to let that someone find me. This person would prove his self to me, show me that I’m worth it, and reveal the meaning of this ultimate feeling.
Well when this person and I crossed paths, I still held back my feelings. I didn’t want to lose my independence, my outgoingness, or my social life. I believe the key to life is to live for YOU and no one else. To do what makes YOU happy, and make decisions based on what YOU want and no one else. Life is too short to hold back or miss out. If you are able to find a partner that allows you to be the best version of yourself and wants to share this life with you then you have found a meaningful and supportive relationship.
Maybe some of us have had negative experiences with relationships, but no one should lose a sense of who they are. We should hold on to who we are, and constantly learn and love more about who we are. We should never enter a relationship if we haven’t established who we are, begun to expand on that, and live life on our own terms. This established person should forever stay with us, and grow, learn, and learn to love. We should be overflowing with self-worth, confidence and self-love, because in a relationship there are two people that love them; his or herself and their significant other. If you have established how amazing you are, and you know never to let anyone, even yourself take that away from you, then in my mind, you can survive the roughest, and hardest obstacles love takes you on.
Think of yourself as a glass of water, filled to the brim with happiness. When you add another person to this glass they just cause it to overflow. So if this person ever leaves, you are still left with a full glass. You shouldn’t rely on anyone to make you happy but yourself; your significant other should just be a bonus.
That’s where subservience comes into play. If we rely on someone, anyone in our lives in order to be happy, feel fulfilled, or worthy, then we are overlooking and putting a band-aid on a missing piece of our self, instead of completing ourselves on our own first.
It may seem my outlook on love is cynical, but this isn’t the case. I could be naïve and throw my emotions out there and put myself in a venerable position. But relationships from my past have helped form my outlooks, and strong domineer.
Whatever the case, love is beautiful; it should be a shared. It is a meaningful experience that only brings more positivity into your life. Not anxiety, jealousy, or competition. If we can live contently as an individual, then we are more likely to live contently with someone who ha professed their love. Until then, eyes will wonder, and boredom is a familiar feeling that can take over at any time. So be strong for yourself and love for yourself. Remember that love doesn't exist to make one person happy, but that it should be a mutual balanced connection.