The Risks of Love

If someone you are in love with doesn't make you feel desired or important, why do we keep trying? Is it because we have this never-ending need to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of their acceptance? If we win them over, will that make us worthy of love? Who exactly are we trying to prove this to?

Why do we torture ourselves constantly, when deep down we know what we deserve? More often than not, what we don't deserve keeps us hanging around for too long. We end up overstaying our welcome and constantly feel disappointed and unwanted. So why do we stick around? Why do we need the other person to realize what they have? Why is it so important to prove our importance to someone when we already know deep down what we have to offer? At the end of the day, we have to realize that there is nothing to prove to these people, because they aren’t the ones we should be fighting for. They will never open their eyes, and maybe it will take losing you to realize just how special you are.

Humans are innately selfish and even though we ultimately want to share and feel love, we act in self-destructive ways, ironically unable to reciprocate what we desire. Our life quest for another being to complement our intricate soul is ultimately what we end up hurting in others along the way. Granted, this is necessary and a risk we all take when falling in love. It's also something that causes problems to a person's psyche, makes them feel confused, hurt, and closed off from love. This stems from unhealed wounds that we haven’t faced or healed within ourselves so they surface in our close relationships.

No matter what, we still give love a chance, and we still have hope. We still go on that never-ending quest to our ideal destination with the hopes of finding love. The sacrifices we endure and the heart wrenching pain that sometimes arises are worth the risk when you can experience euphoria within love; feeling so special, so wanted, even if just for a moment in time. In contrast, those highs are sometimes lost. Love can leave us feeling the worst, most earth shattering and all consuming pain - leaving you paralyzed, numb, and unsure of why you wanted something so good from someone who could hurt you so badly in the first place.

I think we are all left with this question at some point in time, why did we think this would be any different? Why did they change? Why did I change? Why did we change? Relationships are an evolution. We both complement one another for a moment in time; but different external events change our makeup, affect our outlook, and drastically persuade our wants and needs in different directions - eventually causing two beings to reevaluate where they stand together. Are their wants the same? Are they still happy together? Do they want something more, something different, or even someone else?

This makes us human, our minds, our undeniable consciousness that we tend to put on the back burner and not listen to when we know deep down i'ts sending us a sign. It's telling us that things don't feel right, that we aren't fulfilled, and that the quest is still ongoing. We as humans also don't like to accept failure, or what is portrayed as failure in our minds. Failed relationships, a broken heart, a hurt ego, all leave us feeling disappointed and broken. These feelings can never be avoided. It's in our make-up, in our bones, bodies, and being. We are empathetic, we seek acceptance, and we seek love. We search for something we don’t accept from ourselves. But most of the time we just want a partner to experience this world with. We want to create something beautiful, and eventually create a life and another human being together.

Fairytales confuse us. Romantic stories and movies muddle up reality and leave us with unreachable and misinformed expectations of love. To find one person who will complement you for the rest of your life, the rest of your life! That's a long time, and it's almost impossible. It's a beautiful thing if you can achieve this, and if you both want to work hard to maintain this connection forever. However, the reality is that you will most likely find one person for segments of your life, who complements you through different stages of your evolution, and that's still a beautiful thing. That's still something to be cherished.

Maybe we are misinformed about having "soul mates" and only being with one person "forever." Maybe it's not in our makeup after all. Maybe we need to accept this, and not continue to be hypocrites. We practically set ourselves up for failure with the amount of pressure we put on ourselves. No one can withstand the amount of pressure the world and society's norms put on us. Society tells us: "You need to make a lot of money to support yourself so you can have a family one day. You need to have a big house. You need to have nice car. Why haven't you gotten married yet? Where's the ring? When are you guys planning on having a baby?" Then we are left making up excuses to make other people feel comfortable in social situations even though deep down we know the truth, we know we don’t want to succumb to these pressures instilled in us. We are left lying to the world in order for them to “accept” us, in order to live up to these cookie cutter standards. In order to make it seem like everything is ok, because we are doing things just how we were told to.

Where’s the fun in that? Having that same conversation over and over again? Having that internal struggle with oneself everyday. Then eventually taking out your frustrations on yourself and the ones you love. The stress we deal with from pressures that have become norms in today's society.

Yes, there are people who think and go against the grain. These people are adamant about living their life the way they see fit, with their own unique standards. I think if more of us lived this way, we would be happier, and less likely to inflict pain on others, and really live and love authentically.

Being hurt is a risk you take when falling in love. With every great beautiful feeling comes the risk of experiencing the opposite of that. Life is a risk everyday. It's something beautiful we are fortunate enough to experience and some days are better than others. Some days we come across love and some days we prefer to be alone. Everyday you should remember to choose happiness, remember your worth, remember your goals in life regardless of what anyone else tells you to do, and remember to treat others how you want to be treated. If you can remember to do these things, you can at least spread love along the way. At some point in your life you will come across someone who will love you the way you deserve, even if for just a moment.